Somewhere along the line, I stopped being funny. I used to make people laugh, people other than myself that is. I could have anyone rolling without even trying. Those were the days when no one called me an asshole, but I knew that I was. It was a gift and it was great.
Now everything seems so serious and my strange sense of humor is hardly funny to anyone but me. When you are not funny, people acknowledge that you are an asshole. Just because it is true does not make it hurt any less when others acknowledge it.
My dad, is always trying to be funny. He rarely is, but sometimes he is so not funny and thinks that he is, that I cannot help but crack a smile.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Free me from chaos
"What do you want me to say?" she said.
That is the stupidest question I have ever heard, in my entire life. I would like to have seen my face as it happened too; probably looked as dumbfounded as I felt. I really do not remember what I said. Instead my brain pondered why she said what she did and what she meant by saying it. First of all, I had to ask myself if there was something I wanted to hear. Second, did this mean she only wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear, because I wanted to hear it? I think she probably knew what to say, but did not want to say it. I wanted her to be honest, I wanted to hear the truth. I may have said, "I don't want you to lie to me." In that moment logic failed me and I forgot that not lying is not always the same as being completely honest.
That is the stupidest question I have ever heard, in my entire life. I would like to have seen my face as it happened too; probably looked as dumbfounded as I felt. I really do not remember what I said. Instead my brain pondered why she said what she did and what she meant by saying it. First of all, I had to ask myself if there was something I wanted to hear. Second, did this mean she only wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear, because I wanted to hear it? I think she probably knew what to say, but did not want to say it. I wanted her to be honest, I wanted to hear the truth. I may have said, "I don't want you to lie to me." In that moment logic failed me and I forgot that not lying is not always the same as being completely honest.
Purpose
I have been doing a lot of thinking on this over the last few weeks, purpose. If you have read any number of posts up until this point, I am sure you have heard how I do a lot of that, thinking. Hopefully this is not another one of those posts where I whine about all the chaos between my ears that just will not come out (no matter how much poking or prodding any of us do, so whoever is doing that stop mkay thx)! In all seriousness, at least for another couple of seconds, I have been considering the purpose of this blog. Clearly I initially began with a purpose and that purpose can even be found in my initial post or Introduction. So do not think that what I am doing here now is searching for purpose. That is not it at all, it is more like evaluating.
Honestly it is not looking good. The words colossal failure come to mind. Not that everything I have written has been garbage, only the vast majority of everything I have written; however, I have found very little satisfaction in anything that I have written. Too often I find there is very little substance and far too much time expenditure.
Honestly it is not looking good. The words colossal failure come to mind. Not that everything I have written has been garbage, only the vast majority of everything I have written; however, I have found very little satisfaction in anything that I have written. Too often I find there is very little substance and far too much time expenditure.
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