"If we are all alone, we are all together in that." paraphrasing from my memory one of the climactic speeches by the mother in the movie P.S. I Love You.
I have been feeling lonely today, hence the quote (why can I not just say these things). There was much inner dialogue and I felt like something was missing, someone perhaps. At one point, I thought maybe I was wanting to share my thoughts here just to know they could be read, whether or not they actually were; but, honestly I do not know (I really have no idea). I took a "sick day" today, but let us be honest my job is not exactly demanding. I mean, my job for those that do not know is to basically be a self-employed small business owner, but without all the responsibilities since after all, I am not the owner, just the brother. On the other hand, how long has it been since I took one day and just said today, I do what I want as long as it involves hardly leaving my room (while continuing to take orders and do some "computer" work to dissuade, nay temper any feelings of guilt). Still I feel the guilt. No, I am not truly sick, I have worked through much worse, but still I am not well and I do need something. I awoke this morning early, as often is the case, anticipating an early start, but my preparations once again left me wanting. Still I felt like I should have been well rested and I got up and got in the shower that I soon decided to turn into a bath at some point I fell asleep in the bath only to wake up and decide to get out of the bath and return to bed and shake off this idea of an early start. Maybe 2 or 3 hours later I awoke to something frightful. My eye felt as if it were bruised, heavy tear-filled watery discharge, a feeling that something was in my eye, unable to open it even forcefully with my index finger and thumb, and finally redness. It is about 12 hours later now, and while my eye feels a lot better it is still somewhat sore, watery, and red. However, now I also feel sick it might have been sitting or laying around all day. I fell asleep a few times just sitting in the dark or even in the light, early this morning I was determined to not even look at a computer screen/tablet. With nothing to do, but sit in the dark, I suppose it is only natural I would fall asleep eventually. I should have been able to withstand it for longer, honestly. I have also been having a lot of inner dialogue too. If that sentence was not repetitive enough to make it obvious, I feel that may be what has me feeling ill now. It is not a secret, just something I do not like to talk about, but I do not hold myself in high regard. One might even suggest I do not like myself and I would have to say that is a fair assessment most of the time. As with anything else that involves me this is the source of a never-ending struggle. I feel that I could get along fine with this, but at the same time when I get the feeling I disappoint others, it just magnifies everything I hear from myself. Who am I to complain about this, but undeserving and now ungrateful of my many blessings.
It is strangely symbolic as I sit here, in the first few moments of deciding that this was actually happening*, in the air conditioned room that I sometimes refer as my home, a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead and dropped to the floor. I have well documented the pressure I put on myself, or at the least my personal difficulties, when writing. I have heard it from so many different people, that for varying reasons have by chance seen something I wrote well, the things these people say are nice to hear, but I cannot say I am not skeptical.
Posting 12/01/2014: This was written a couple months ago. I have lost the train of thought I had at the time, I actually do not completely remember writing it, but I do remember having the eye issues. My eye has healed up, I wear my contacts a lot less than I used to (I now have glasses). Although I wouldn't say with 100% certainty it was a problem with wearing my contacts. The optometrist wanted me to see a specialist, but I did not want to pay that kind of money! I now choose to take a "eye vitamin & mineral supplement" that claims to help counter eye diseases associated with aging. I also try to wash/rinse my eye out better during every shower, I was not really doing a good job of that before. I do not wear my contacts more than 12 hours any longer (I would sleep in them before, they are made for overnight use even though it is still not recommended).
*As I reread this now, it is obvious how it might be very confusing, but I remember writing the bottom of the original two paragraphs first, until I started writing more and found some flow. This "thing that was actually happening" is me deciding I am going to write. The title is something I had thought of a long time before actually writing this, but never used (as far as I can remember). It is something I wanted to use, because I enjoy the double meaning. It also reminds me of flag football as a child, my brother and I stood in the back yard shouting "Out-standing in the field" repeatedly in jest.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Earning my geek card
Alright, so I have always been a geek, but until now it was unsubstantiated. Probably more a symptom of my social akwardness than anything else. However, I feel like I have earned a small bit of geek cred. Let us be honest, I have always had above average computer knowledge. I had added graphics cards, network cards, and 56k modem before. Although, I never felt like I could build my own computer. I probably still cannot, but I am one step closer and feeling pretty good about it right now.
Last week, I was at my brother's when his wife called out from the other room, "The computer just turned off, what did you do?" I am paraphrasing since I do not have a photographic memory. Needless to say, it was a little upsetting and I thought, "I am in here and am not using the computer. What did YOU do? It always works fine for me. I will go get it to work no problem, just watch."
Well as it turns out it did shut off and everytime I turned it back on it would start up, but then suddenly shut off before I could even do anything. I decided to stop trying to get it to stay on before I really fried something. Then I used my tablet to look up the problem. The power supply could have gone bad or maybe the inside is covered with dust and it is getting too hot. I was hoping for the dust. I opened the case and score! There was quite a bit of dust on the fans. As I start trying to clean the dust away, I realize there is a bigger problem, the heatsink and mounted fan appear to be loose and hardly in contact with the processor. I unscrew one of four screws on the fan and the fan and heatsink slides right off, the other three screws. Clearly, this is not good. Upon further inspection, I realize that this piece is clearly broken. It must be replaced, but I am prepared to find the least expensive repair shop to save my brother money.
As it turns out the repair shops want the part to be provided and they will do the work. This one place has a flat rate of $120, not too terribly bad. However, that does not include parts. Surely, I thought, someone will do this for $50 (that seems fair) and it will cost less than $100 to get this fixed. Actually the further I searched, the more the price seemed to rise. I convinced my brother to order the part he needed, but I was admittedly worried about how it was going to get into his machine and you know function as intended without paying an exorbitant amount for the hour worth of work. It was looking bleak.
Looking back now (you would not know it, but I started writing this a month ago, so this event took place 5 or 6 weeks ago, I fell asleep the night of writing this and it has been stuck in my drafts ever since), I cannot remember if the parts had arrived yet or not, it took a few days, but my sister-in-law started talking to the neighbor and she then volunteered her husband to do it. Better him than me, I thought, and he will be cheap if he even takes a twenty when offered. Plus he is an electrician by trade, he seemed to be naturally better suited to handle the intricacies of a computer. I hoped the neighbor was as confident about it as I heard his wife seemed to be. I sure did not have confidence I could do it.
The worst that could happen? A failed installation that destroyed something else like the motherboard and left me needing a real technician to identify what I had done and how much it would cost to fix if it could be fixed. Yeah, that is only going to be a few hundred, no need to get a new computer after that, I got this! Better him than me.
Soon my fears were realized. My sister in-law nonchalantly mentioned, I could just change the heatsink fan, if the neighbor could do it surely I could too (I believe that was her thought process). That is solid logic right there I thought, I could get a job as an electrician too infact I could use the money why haven't I done that? *berrrrrrrrrrruhhhhht*
Wrong answer. The crowd goes wild as the visiting team throws up a brick at the buzzer . I am that shooter or I am the guy laying on the ice after getting stick checked by the goalie on a fast break watching helplessly as the puck slides an inch past the post and into the boards, the final horn sounds and my team finishes down a goal.
I try to hide the distress on my face, hoping to feign confidence. "Yes, no problem, I will get it done." Did she buy it, I thought, do not try to read her face she will know something is off. Deep down, I was a little excited. Since I never suggested I could do it, until it was told to me I could, that meant I was off the hook if I screwed it up right, maybe, well? Well shit, that is what; hopefully, I do not screw up. I should be able to do this, but can I?
I always do this I thought. I can do this, I want to do it to prove I can. I just wish I did not hold these reservations, of course this will be easier than I make it sound. It all reminded me of another time where I was left hating myself for my uncertainty. It was just a moment, but it resonates long after the moment passed constantly reminding me of my stupid inadequacies.
Last week, I was at my brother's when his wife called out from the other room, "The computer just turned off, what did you do?" I am paraphrasing since I do not have a photographic memory. Needless to say, it was a little upsetting and I thought, "I am in here and am not using the computer. What did YOU do? It always works fine for me. I will go get it to work no problem, just watch."
Well as it turns out it did shut off and everytime I turned it back on it would start up, but then suddenly shut off before I could even do anything. I decided to stop trying to get it to stay on before I really fried something. Then I used my tablet to look up the problem. The power supply could have gone bad or maybe the inside is covered with dust and it is getting too hot. I was hoping for the dust. I opened the case and score! There was quite a bit of dust on the fans. As I start trying to clean the dust away, I realize there is a bigger problem, the heatsink and mounted fan appear to be loose and hardly in contact with the processor. I unscrew one of four screws on the fan and the fan and heatsink slides right off, the other three screws. Clearly, this is not good. Upon further inspection, I realize that this piece is clearly broken. It must be replaced, but I am prepared to find the least expensive repair shop to save my brother money.
As it turns out the repair shops want the part to be provided and they will do the work. This one place has a flat rate of $120, not too terribly bad. However, that does not include parts. Surely, I thought, someone will do this for $50 (that seems fair) and it will cost less than $100 to get this fixed. Actually the further I searched, the more the price seemed to rise. I convinced my brother to order the part he needed, but I was admittedly worried about how it was going to get into his machine and you know function as intended without paying an exorbitant amount for the hour worth of work. It was looking bleak.
Looking back now (you would not know it, but I started writing this a month ago, so this event took place 5 or 6 weeks ago, I fell asleep the night of writing this and it has been stuck in my drafts ever since), I cannot remember if the parts had arrived yet or not, it took a few days, but my sister-in-law started talking to the neighbor and she then volunteered her husband to do it. Better him than me, I thought, and he will be cheap if he even takes a twenty when offered. Plus he is an electrician by trade, he seemed to be naturally better suited to handle the intricacies of a computer. I hoped the neighbor was as confident about it as I heard his wife seemed to be. I sure did not have confidence I could do it.
The worst that could happen? A failed installation that destroyed something else like the motherboard and left me needing a real technician to identify what I had done and how much it would cost to fix if it could be fixed. Yeah, that is only going to be a few hundred, no need to get a new computer after that, I got this! Better him than me.
Soon my fears were realized. My sister in-law nonchalantly mentioned, I could just change the heatsink fan, if the neighbor could do it surely I could too (I believe that was her thought process). That is solid logic right there I thought, I could get a job as an electrician too infact I could use the money why haven't I done that? *berrrrrrrrrrruhhhhht*
Wrong answer. The crowd goes wild as the visiting team throws up a brick at the buzzer . I am that shooter or I am the guy laying on the ice after getting stick checked by the goalie on a fast break watching helplessly as the puck slides an inch past the post and into the boards, the final horn sounds and my team finishes down a goal.
I try to hide the distress on my face, hoping to feign confidence. "Yes, no problem, I will get it done." Did she buy it, I thought, do not try to read her face she will know something is off. Deep down, I was a little excited. Since I never suggested I could do it, until it was told to me I could, that meant I was off the hook if I screwed it up right, maybe, well? Well shit, that is what; hopefully, I do not screw up. I should be able to do this, but can I?
I always do this I thought. I can do this, I want to do it to prove I can. I just wish I did not hold these reservations, of course this will be easier than I make it sound. It all reminded me of another time where I was left hating myself for my uncertainty. It was just a moment, but it resonates long after the moment passed constantly reminding me of my stupid inadequacies.
I stood over the hood of one of my best friend's older sister's car. Actually it was her, one of her roommates, and myself standing over the car with it's hood raised. They were hoping to add coolant/anti-freeze, the car must have been getting hot. The two of them clearly had no idea what they were doing and likely even stated as much. Trying to be helpful, I pointed out the radiator cap and said, "I think it goes here." I immediately regretted saying this is what I thought and tried to explain why I knew what I thought was right. It got ugly from there, they were both very hesitant to listen to what I thought and wanted someone that knew what they were talking about to tell them what to do. Eventually I stopped trying to assuade them to discover the truth for themselves and I retreated into my head to have an angry dialog about my decision to introduce the uncertainty. It put a damper on the rest of the evening; I probably spent the next few hours withdrawn and angry.That moment haunts me all too regularly. I tried to make this heatsink fan go differently and I was significantly less sure of myself now. However, I did actually managed to complete the project, as I am sure any one reading has long ascertained. The computer has not had a problem since I put the part in. It was rather easy although I did not have completely steady hands, but it did not matter in the end.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Being Silly
Amendmant (8/10/2013): Just getting this out of my draft not even going to read it. I fell asleep typing this one for sure. I remember (despite not remembering what I wrote) waking up with my hands on the keys and not seeing any text. It freaked me out and after trying to recover the text with some terrible decisions and ultimately realizing the text was still there just off screen, I decided to put the computer up and succumb to my eyelids desires.
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I know it has been a while. I have been thinking about you all very much. However, I was just sitting here and I feel like I have laughed at my self a lot recently. I was trying to remember the last time, it was only a few days ago; but it took a second before I could even remember. Want to hear about it? Of course you Jdo!
Hehe, oh me. It is not even really that funny so do not go getting your hopes up. I could probably make you laugh harder by trying to tell a serious story.
Alright, so I decided it was time to clean the house some. I have lived here 6 months or maybe longer, exact time of when I moved in is disputed (although I do not admit it, non-confrontational and all). Yes my memory for the mundane is that bad. The only cleaner I have accumulated in that time is toilet bowl cleaner, tile and tub cleaner, and floor cleaner. Clearly I needed bleach (and also Drano, but how would you know that?)! So of course I went to Wal-mart, because in Vegas there are only about 50. It is really disappointing, I have to decide which direction I want to travel when I am to make a trip to the closest Wal-mart.
I ended up hanging out in the truck, at Wal-mart for an hour or so. You know listening to music and creeping people out after they go in, walk the entire store, buying everything on their little lists, and then come back out only to see that I am still there sitting, eying them as they walk past.. I kid, my eyes avert themselves from any contact with other humans, especially unknown strangers. Eventually I was bored and tired and dreading even going in, that is when I knew: I was ready. I walked straight to the cleaners, as straight as one can walk in a Wal-mart they have only been to a handful of other times and then those times were only to shop for toys. I got the bleach, I hesitated on the Drano (did I need the big size, it was like $7; that smaller cheaper bottle looked like it might be the better option), got the biggest Drano, and quickly decided to buy some Kaboom spray crap (yeah okay, glad I bought that). Then I needed something to drink, but not soda, I drink enough of that garbage. Water gets old though, so Gatorade it is. Saw a white 8 pack and there were two of them, it was providence. Grabbed them both. Maybe something to eat too? I decided against it, it was just too difficult and time was running out. I had to leave immediately; I have no problem spending an hour in the parking lot but I will be damned if I spend 15 minutes inside that hell spawner (I don't know what the even means either, probably a gaming reference). I went to the express lane to check out, because I did not have much; to recap: the biggest bottle of drano, a decent sized bottle of bleach not like the last time I got bleach apparently they sold me watered down bleach then so it was bigger (at least that is what this bottle said), a normal sized spray bottle of Kaboom, two 8-packs of 12 oz. (I think) gatorades, and a last minute purchase decision on one of these big 24 packs of water. There was only one person in line in-front of me; however, to this point I have failed to mention that I did not have a shopping cart. Yeah apparently when I was on my way in, I would not be buying that much and would not need a cart. So I kept thinking as I stood in line, I need to go get a cart; I mean: I can carry a lot of stuff, but I was at the edge of my limit before getting 24 waters, that is why I decided -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Edit: 12/01/2014 ) Oh wow, just reread this for the first time since the night I wrote it. I'm afraid I do not even remember the exact phrase that was said that I thought was so funny. After getting all these items placed on the checkout lane, I felt the need to run and get a shopping cart, but I was reluctant to do so, because I wanted to let the cashier know I would be right back, but obviously she was helping the customer in front of me and did not give me a glance or anything. As I waited there arguing with myself about whether to just go and get it or wait and declare my intentions to the cashier, she finally finished with her other customer and turned her attention to me. She just sort of looked down at my items and looked at me and said something like, "Oh my, you definitely need a shopping cart." This for some reason caught me completely off-guard and I just laughed out loud at the idea that she would just blurt that out to me, finally I said, "Yeah, I was thinking of getting one." In actuality, I am making that sound better than what I really said in the moment, but I cannot remember how I responded, but I do remember thinking it was stupid and then I ran off to get a cart. Then for like the next 8 hours, I just kept laughing at myself and how I reacted throughout the entire experience. She had to think I was a loon, just bursting into laughter at the mention of needing a cart. Then responding as I did, so stupidly. Why had I not just gone to get a cart yet (I still don't quite understand)? I laugh at myself for that and I shake my head at all the other awkward things I do.
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I know it has been a while. I have been thinking about you all very much. However, I was just sitting here and I feel like I have laughed at my self a lot recently. I was trying to remember the last time, it was only a few days ago; but it took a second before I could even remember. Want to hear about it? Of course you Jdo!
Hehe, oh me. It is not even really that funny so do not go getting your hopes up. I could probably make you laugh harder by trying to tell a serious story.
Alright, so I decided it was time to clean the house some. I have lived here 6 months or maybe longer, exact time of when I moved in is disputed (although I do not admit it, non-confrontational and all). Yes my memory for the mundane is that bad. The only cleaner I have accumulated in that time is toilet bowl cleaner, tile and tub cleaner, and floor cleaner. Clearly I needed bleach (and also Drano, but how would you know that?)! So of course I went to Wal-mart, because in Vegas there are only about 50. It is really disappointing, I have to decide which direction I want to travel when I am to make a trip to the closest Wal-mart.
I ended up hanging out in the truck, at Wal-mart for an hour or so. You know listening to music and creeping people out after they go in, walk the entire store, buying everything on their little lists, and then come back out only to see that I am still there sitting, eying them as they walk past.. I kid, my eyes avert themselves from any contact with other humans, especially unknown strangers. Eventually I was bored and tired and dreading even going in, that is when I knew: I was ready. I walked straight to the cleaners, as straight as one can walk in a Wal-mart they have only been to a handful of other times and then those times were only to shop for toys. I got the bleach, I hesitated on the Drano (did I need the big size, it was like $7; that smaller cheaper bottle looked like it might be the better option), got the biggest Drano, and quickly decided to buy some Kaboom spray crap (yeah okay, glad I bought that). Then I needed something to drink, but not soda, I drink enough of that garbage. Water gets old though, so Gatorade it is. Saw a white 8 pack and there were two of them, it was providence. Grabbed them both. Maybe something to eat too? I decided against it, it was just too difficult and time was running out. I had to leave immediately; I have no problem spending an hour in the parking lot but I will be damned if I spend 15 minutes inside that hell spawner (I don't know what the even means either, probably a gaming reference). I went to the express lane to check out, because I did not have much; to recap: the biggest bottle of drano, a decent sized bottle of bleach not like the last time I got bleach apparently they sold me watered down bleach then so it was bigger (at least that is what this bottle said), a normal sized spray bottle of Kaboom, two 8-packs of 12 oz. (I think) gatorades, and a last minute purchase decision on one of these big 24 packs of water. There was only one person in line in-front of me; however, to this point I have failed to mention that I did not have a shopping cart. Yeah apparently when I was on my way in, I would not be buying that much and would not need a cart. So I kept thinking as I stood in line, I need to go get a cart; I mean: I can carry a lot of stuff, but I was at the edge of my limit before getting 24 waters, that is why I decided -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Edit: 12/01/2014 ) Oh wow, just reread this for the first time since the night I wrote it. I'm afraid I do not even remember the exact phrase that was said that I thought was so funny. After getting all these items placed on the checkout lane, I felt the need to run and get a shopping cart, but I was reluctant to do so, because I wanted to let the cashier know I would be right back, but obviously she was helping the customer in front of me and did not give me a glance or anything. As I waited there arguing with myself about whether to just go and get it or wait and declare my intentions to the cashier, she finally finished with her other customer and turned her attention to me. She just sort of looked down at my items and looked at me and said something like, "Oh my, you definitely need a shopping cart." This for some reason caught me completely off-guard and I just laughed out loud at the idea that she would just blurt that out to me, finally I said, "Yeah, I was thinking of getting one." In actuality, I am making that sound better than what I really said in the moment, but I cannot remember how I responded, but I do remember thinking it was stupid and then I ran off to get a cart. Then for like the next 8 hours, I just kept laughing at myself and how I reacted throughout the entire experience. She had to think I was a loon, just bursting into laughter at the mention of needing a cart. Then responding as I did, so stupidly. Why had I not just gone to get a cart yet (I still don't quite understand)? I laugh at myself for that and I shake my head at all the other awkward things I do.
I am tired
Mentally I am exhausted. It should not be this way; I have no justification. I get plenty of sleep and it is not like I am constantly busy everyday, just weekends. Something is not right; I absolutely hate this type of post, the ones where I start off by complaining. I am sure they make me seem like a pathetic whiner that is full of negativity. There is, however, just something about it that allows me to start the process, to get into the action of typing as I think. Perhaps it is the honesty; if I were to always just put out posts when I finally had something substantial, void of an explanation of the difficulty to get to that point, it would feel like a lie. Many nights I fall asleep with a compose post browser blank on my computer screen and this inner urging to create something beautiful; however, after several hours and nothing to show for it I usually cannot keep myself awake anymore. Additionally throughout the day, I entertain many thoughts on what I ought to share; some ideas are frequently recurring, still others linger a few days and are then all but forgotten in the back corners of my mind. A thought occurred to me recently that perhaps, the target audience that I am addressing is too large and that narrowing it down might help improve things from my perspective. As it is, I feel like I am writing to strangers and people that I do not know, that may or may not be true, outside of a few loyal friends it seems most of my hits come from computers or bots of some kind. I do not know where I am going with this from here, but I keep having this desire to talk about something else.
I watched P.S. I Love You again today; it is in my list of favorite movies. I would recommend it to anyone that has not seen it; I will even watch it with you. I swear, I do not mind; I have only seen it approximately 50 times so far.
Amendment (8/10/2013): I am clearing this from my draft history. It is an incomplete post and I have lost the thought, I fell asleep during my attempt to get it out. Is this worth posting? I am not sure. It could easily be deleted. I do know that people expect to hear me whine from time to time; just fulfilling that quota.
I watched P.S. I Love You again today; it is in my list of favorite movies. I would recommend it to anyone that has not seen it; I will even watch it with you. I swear, I do not mind; I have only seen it approximately 50 times so far.
Amendment (8/10/2013): I am clearing this from my draft history. It is an incomplete post and I have lost the thought, I fell asleep during my attempt to get it out. Is this worth posting? I am not sure. It could easily be deleted. I do know that people expect to hear me whine from time to time; just fulfilling that quota.
Smörgåsbord
Thank you Wikipedia for the spelling of this post's title. I try to be a one topic per post kind of guy, but I am going into this one accepting the fact that it is going to shift from one idea to the next and hopefully I will include a couple things on my mind that I want to share. I often have this urge to share things, but I am weary of posting every thought to facebook and in some instances, I realize the person that the thought is about could actually see it on facebook despite not even being friends.
I have three deliveries today, being that it is a Saturday that is not really a good thing. I am in charge of everything though, I take the calls, get the e-mails, make the deliveries, I am the one person all customers must go through. Therefore, if it is slow, it is easy to blame myself; well I could hope it is the economy, of course, that is always there to be used as a crutch if one must make excuses. Last week was decent, but it was mostly a strong weekday and a mediocre weekend and the weeks before that have been fairly weak. However, we recently moved a guy, that has done a little bit of work for us in the past, into the house I am staying in and he is sending customers e-mails and giving them calls to "pay" for his board. We have already scheduled three repeat customers from his efforts, but we rewarded them with fairly decent loyalty discounts, larger than if they had called back on their own. They may have called back anyway, you never really know. I am hoping that this will give things a little bit of a kick. Sales are down 9% from last year, hopefully I we can get that back up again, there is still a little bit of year left!
Back to this new roommate: he whines about everything. Not to be rude, but I am a fairly empathetic person and I just do not feel everything he has to complain about is justified. Our major problem was that we had no A/C. It is of little concern to me, because I spend most of my time at my brother's home because I am close to the jumpers and close to the computer with all the client information on it. I tend to leave early before the sun gets too high (on MWF I am up before the sun to go play basketball, unless I sleep in) and I do not return until the sun has set. Yes it is still warm to sleep in a home with no A/C, but it is easily survivable. My roommate was constantly complaining though about how it was too hot and he refused to turn his computer on between like noon and nine at night. He was afraid it would overheat. That problem is now fixed though, I bought him a small one room window unit. I did it hoping he would do more work, I think he is, but I do not really know that. There are no checks and balances. The thought process is, that if he does get us more work, then I do more work that I actually get paid for and therefore indirectly get paid back. Plus my roommate was complaining about not being able to take on other jobs since he cannot work all-day. Therefore I thought, he could take on more jobs and have more money and I would have to help him buy things less often. You see, I may be too much of a nice guy and I tend to buy things for people. Things like fast food, soda, alcohol, cigarettes, and necessities (deodorant comes to mind); especially when that person cannot afford these things. Ergo, if he can be comfortable turning his computer on longer and getting more jobs, he will have more money and I will not be tempted to offer him handouts. With all this in mind, I thought for sure it would be win-win. I did not take into consideration the emotional consequences. It made me think about how I do not spend money on myself like that, let's be honest I waste money on myself like crazy easily $15-30 on fast food a day (I do not go to the grocery store often at all). I got cable internet for my roommate before he moved in, but even that was sort of for me until my computer crashed right after he moved in. So on top of this A/C unit that I just bought him, I am paying for his internet. It got me a little bummed out. On top of that, he used to spend his time in the downstairs dining room area, but the floor plan of the house is fairly open so it is almost like being in the same room when you come through the front door. Instead, now he keeps his door closed, to keep it cool (duh!); besides today, I knocked to ask if he wanted to help me on a delivery (he could not help), I have seen him one other time since I got him the A/C four days ago! The other time was when he happened to come out of his room at 5 am and I was on my way out the door to play basketball. I was actually kind of pissed when I saw him then, because I have no time in the morning between when I wake up and when I have to be at basketball. Mostly because I do not want to wake up at 4 am. Just to wrap up my thoughts on my roommate: he complains about not dumpster diving enough (how he gets food), he complains about eating too much (reason he is not dumpster diving), he complains about not getting enough exercise (well he is not walking to the dumpsters), when he gets money he then spends it on food or beer (well and sometimes gambling). He also has bad B.O. My brother does not want him helping on deliveries for several reasons, that being one. For every reason my brother has, this guy has an excuse or reason. Despite all my complaining about his complaining, he seems to be a decent guy albeit a little peculiar.
Since we are talking about my co-workers (sort of) then we might as well bring up my brother's 14 year old nephew. He constantly annoys, angers, and baffles me (I am sure there are some emotions I am missing too; however, none are positive). I joke a lot and I am sarcastic a lot. It helps me tell him I hate him and I would like to kill him, without him taking me too seriously. Even as I sit here typing that, I know it is a bit extreme and it is not realistic for me to even suggest. However, I do not know how to describe the way he makes me feel after a long day of dealing with all his little nuances and quirks. I am certain he does some things just to irritate me, but other things I wonder if he even has any thought before the action. I started typing up a lot of the little things he does or has done in a list on my old computer before it crashed (I was going to give it to my brother), unfortunately, I do not remember that list. It is not hard to make up a new list though. I will keep in short. This first one is partially just a communication problem on my part: even when he knows we have to do something he will sit on the computer all day. He will watch me walk out the door and will not join me unless I actually say, "hey, let's go." I do not want your "help" if you do not want to work. Last week he did the same thing, he came home from church while I was doing work outside, he was helping in the evening on pickups. He did not come out to help me, instead the big Boss lady told me about 30 minutes before I left after I had started feeling like I wanted to leave his butt at the house and find someone else to help me with the pickups to tell her and him when it was time to go on the pickups. Next little quirk is he must keep his hands occupied, it does not bother him not to work, but he cannot allow himself to actually sit and think quietly. This often results with him playing with things he ought to just leave alone; because one he could inadvertently lose these things or two he has a tendency to damage what he is playing with in an attempt to entertain himself. I cannot fathom what it is like to be so destructive; that is a trait I lack and despise in others. When I do, unintentionally, destroy an item, I feel remorse for my actions immediately (because you can always blame your lack or abundance of effort; sometimes I break things because I do not realize they cannot take the force I apply). He is disgusting: from throwing food in the fish bowl, farting constantly, not showering, not changing his socks for weeks, his hygiene habits are almost as bad as my roommate's!
For lack of time, I will cut this short. Did not quite talk about everything that was on my mind. Got into a little more than I was thinking about when I sat down and I got both pickups calling me telling me they are finished, already took care of one by myself. Now I need help with the other and I have no idea if the 14 year old is on his way home or if I should be going to pick him up. He went to the water park, mostly because of the 26 year old daughter of his aunt's friend was going with my brother's wife and kids (he has a major crush on her; of course he has a crush on anyone that is remotely attractive and old enough to have breasts).
Update from phone (fixed on my brother's computer; blogger is terrible on my phone when I already have a long post typed out, I cannot just go to the end of it and add it in, I clicked on the screen and it put it somewhere in the middle, I could not even see where when I was typing and I was typing blind too): the 14 year old threw a shoe or something at the truck tonight; that set me off, that behavior is unacceptable, and he was forced to run away. I was livid and was going to hurt him if I got a hold of him. My roommate on the other hand, was arriving home right after I got there. So we had the chance to speak for a while. He gave me $25 for utilities and suggested he was going to pay me back for the A/C. Very nice!
I have three deliveries today, being that it is a Saturday that is not really a good thing. I am in charge of everything though, I take the calls, get the e-mails, make the deliveries, I am the one person all customers must go through. Therefore, if it is slow, it is easy to blame myself; well I could hope it is the economy, of course, that is always there to be used as a crutch if one must make excuses. Last week was decent, but it was mostly a strong weekday and a mediocre weekend and the weeks before that have been fairly weak. However, we recently moved a guy, that has done a little bit of work for us in the past, into the house I am staying in and he is sending customers e-mails and giving them calls to "pay" for his board. We have already scheduled three repeat customers from his efforts, but we rewarded them with fairly decent loyalty discounts, larger than if they had called back on their own. They may have called back anyway, you never really know. I am hoping that this will give things a little bit of a kick. Sales are down 9% from last year, hopefully I we can get that back up again, there is still a little bit of year left!
Back to this new roommate: he whines about everything. Not to be rude, but I am a fairly empathetic person and I just do not feel everything he has to complain about is justified. Our major problem was that we had no A/C. It is of little concern to me, because I spend most of my time at my brother's home because I am close to the jumpers and close to the computer with all the client information on it. I tend to leave early before the sun gets too high (on MWF I am up before the sun to go play basketball, unless I sleep in) and I do not return until the sun has set. Yes it is still warm to sleep in a home with no A/C, but it is easily survivable. My roommate was constantly complaining though about how it was too hot and he refused to turn his computer on between like noon and nine at night. He was afraid it would overheat. That problem is now fixed though, I bought him a small one room window unit. I did it hoping he would do more work, I think he is, but I do not really know that. There are no checks and balances. The thought process is, that if he does get us more work, then I do more work that I actually get paid for and therefore indirectly get paid back. Plus my roommate was complaining about not being able to take on other jobs since he cannot work all-day. Therefore I thought, he could take on more jobs and have more money and I would have to help him buy things less often. You see, I may be too much of a nice guy and I tend to buy things for people. Things like fast food, soda, alcohol, cigarettes, and necessities (deodorant comes to mind); especially when that person cannot afford these things. Ergo, if he can be comfortable turning his computer on longer and getting more jobs, he will have more money and I will not be tempted to offer him handouts. With all this in mind, I thought for sure it would be win-win. I did not take into consideration the emotional consequences. It made me think about how I do not spend money on myself like that, let's be honest I waste money on myself like crazy easily $15-30 on fast food a day (I do not go to the grocery store often at all). I got cable internet for my roommate before he moved in, but even that was sort of for me until my computer crashed right after he moved in. So on top of this A/C unit that I just bought him, I am paying for his internet. It got me a little bummed out. On top of that, he used to spend his time in the downstairs dining room area, but the floor plan of the house is fairly open so it is almost like being in the same room when you come through the front door. Instead, now he keeps his door closed, to keep it cool (duh!); besides today, I knocked to ask if he wanted to help me on a delivery (he could not help), I have seen him one other time since I got him the A/C four days ago! The other time was when he happened to come out of his room at 5 am and I was on my way out the door to play basketball. I was actually kind of pissed when I saw him then, because I have no time in the morning between when I wake up and when I have to be at basketball. Mostly because I do not want to wake up at 4 am. Just to wrap up my thoughts on my roommate: he complains about not dumpster diving enough (how he gets food), he complains about eating too much (reason he is not dumpster diving), he complains about not getting enough exercise (well he is not walking to the dumpsters), when he gets money he then spends it on food or beer (well and sometimes gambling). He also has bad B.O. My brother does not want him helping on deliveries for several reasons, that being one. For every reason my brother has, this guy has an excuse or reason. Despite all my complaining about his complaining, he seems to be a decent guy albeit a little peculiar.
Since we are talking about my co-workers (sort of) then we might as well bring up my brother's 14 year old nephew. He constantly annoys, angers, and baffles me (I am sure there are some emotions I am missing too; however, none are positive). I joke a lot and I am sarcastic a lot. It helps me tell him I hate him and I would like to kill him, without him taking me too seriously. Even as I sit here typing that, I know it is a bit extreme and it is not realistic for me to even suggest. However, I do not know how to describe the way he makes me feel after a long day of dealing with all his little nuances and quirks. I am certain he does some things just to irritate me, but other things I wonder if he even has any thought before the action. I started typing up a lot of the little things he does or has done in a list on my old computer before it crashed (I was going to give it to my brother), unfortunately, I do not remember that list. It is not hard to make up a new list though. I will keep in short. This first one is partially just a communication problem on my part: even when he knows we have to do something he will sit on the computer all day. He will watch me walk out the door and will not join me unless I actually say, "hey, let's go." I do not want your "help" if you do not want to work. Last week he did the same thing, he came home from church while I was doing work outside, he was helping in the evening on pickups. He did not come out to help me, instead the big Boss lady told me about 30 minutes before I left after I had started feeling like I wanted to leave his butt at the house and find someone else to help me with the pickups to tell her and him when it was time to go on the pickups. Next little quirk is he must keep his hands occupied, it does not bother him not to work, but he cannot allow himself to actually sit and think quietly. This often results with him playing with things he ought to just leave alone; because one he could inadvertently lose these things or two he has a tendency to damage what he is playing with in an attempt to entertain himself. I cannot fathom what it is like to be so destructive; that is a trait I lack and despise in others. When I do, unintentionally, destroy an item, I feel remorse for my actions immediately (because you can always blame your lack or abundance of effort; sometimes I break things because I do not realize they cannot take the force I apply). He is disgusting: from throwing food in the fish bowl, farting constantly, not showering, not changing his socks for weeks, his hygiene habits are almost as bad as my roommate's!
For lack of time, I will cut this short. Did not quite talk about everything that was on my mind. Got into a little more than I was thinking about when I sat down and I got both pickups calling me telling me they are finished, already took care of one by myself. Now I need help with the other and I have no idea if the 14 year old is on his way home or if I should be going to pick him up. He went to the water park, mostly because of the 26 year old daughter of his aunt's friend was going with my brother's wife and kids (he has a major crush on her; of course he has a crush on anyone that is remotely attractive and old enough to have breasts).
Update from phone (fixed on my brother's computer; blogger is terrible on my phone when I already have a long post typed out, I cannot just go to the end of it and add it in, I clicked on the screen and it put it somewhere in the middle, I could not even see where when I was typing and I was typing blind too): the 14 year old threw a shoe or something at the truck tonight; that set me off, that behavior is unacceptable, and he was forced to run away. I was livid and was going to hurt him if I got a hold of him. My roommate on the other hand, was arriving home right after I got there. So we had the chance to speak for a while. He gave me $25 for utilities and suggested he was going to pay me back for the A/C. Very nice!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Lost a good one
Yeah, my laptop crashed. So here I am trying gto type on a phone. It is not like I cannot just use my brother's computer. I can, I used it to check ESPN earlier and then I had to play moshi monsters "for" my niece. I am not even sure why I am doing this, I do not update regularly. Noone is expecting me to. blah blah blah meaningless rambling <!- legitimate thoughts on interesting conversations ->
That pretty much sums all it up right there. The only thing left is for me to do is fall asleep. Good night, talk to you again very soon.
That pretty much sums all it up right there. The only thing left is for me to do is fall asleep. Good night, talk to you again very soon.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Bleurgh
It has been a while I know. I was contemplating writing something the other day, after I found out (facebook) my brother's dog died. Easily one of my top favorite dogs of all time. He liked getting his ears rubbed and he would also sit on my feet and I would rub his neck with my toes. He also liked to sit beside me while I watched TV. It is really difficult to believe he is actually gone. I haven't seen him in so long; my brother lives in Iowa. Last time I visited, it did not even occur to me that he might not be around the next time I came to visit. However, he was getting pretty old; even if I still imagine him as a puppy sometimes. Obviously, for those avid readers that check my blog for new posts daily (there are thousands of you, I know) I did not write anything. Instead I stayed up all night listening to music on youtube. That is not an exaggeration I turned my alarm off about 3 seconds after it went off and after the song I was listening to finished, I got out of bed and started my day. I was tired. I am still somewhat tired. I took a 5 hour energy today and that is pretty stupid, because I know those things are questionable about making me less tired immediately, but they do keep me up at night. I am not even kidding; if I want to stay up late, I can take one at 8 am and I won't be able to go to sleep until 3 am that night. Like right now, I am not tired, but my alarm will be going off in about 5 hours.
Well anyhow. One day soon, I'll write again. I need to get some sleep, wish me luck.
Well anyhow. One day soon, I'll write again. I need to get some sleep, wish me luck.
Friday, February 1, 2013
It's a New Day (Eleventh)
In my post from yesterday, Conquering a Cottage Cheese Bagel, I shared that I had started working out ten days ago. I thought today was as good a day as any to talk about how I am feeling, probably should have done this more often; but maybe I will more in the future.
Right now I am making breakfast just got back from about 45 minute workout followed by roughly an hour playing basketball (by the end of the hour I was only playing every other play)! I played terrible; could not find my shot. I also got a blister on my ankle, these low cut socks are too low for my new work out shoes. I will either have to bring taller socks or bring my other pair of shoes to play ball in. I grabbed a bagel for breakfast this morning, that means I am doing the cottage cheese thing again today, I have not even double checked the nutrition guide yet! As far as my method goes: I am not really counting my calories, I will get into that later; right now if I just start eating better, not stopping at McDonald's for an Egg McMuffin and two breakfast burritos, it will be a massive improvement. Anyway on the menu: One whole grain bagel, one egg (no salt or pepper -- I don't own any haha), lowfat pineapple cottage cheese, small cup of orange juice, and small cup of milk. Cutting the bread out of the inside of one half the bagel to fill it with the cottage cheese. Probably could make a better/healthier breakfast, but like I said yesterday I just went to the store two mornings after reading the nutrition guide and I never made any plan (also on a tight budget).
My legs are weak; I feel like curling up in a ball and getting a few more hours of sleep. It is getting harder to wake up at 4:30-5:00 am; of course, last night I was staying up too late playing this moshi monster's game to level my nieces monster pets and get them extra spending points (Rox). They spend way too many rox for my liking, but yet I keep earning them more. My throat has a little discomfort from running up and down the basketball court, leaving me with the feeling of being winded. My arms are sore, but if my legs felt like my arms I would be a very happy person. Before I ate breakfast my stomach was feeling queasy, almost like I was going to lose all the water I drank this morning. As much as this all sounds like whining, I feel better. After the first week, I never really felt a lot of soreness. I think that has a lot to do with the amount of work I am able to put in, it is increasing. My form is improving. Even after the first day, I did not feel sore and I went as hard as I could: I did not really understand the work out then and I was trying to keep up with the pace without taking a break. Now that I have seen a few more videos, I know when you get tired and your form gets sloppy take a break and get back into it. On the first day I was throwing up stomach acid, I know it is disgusting. At this point, it is starting to become more effective, I am doing more and not feeling anywhere near as bad.
Well I actually finished breakfast a while ago, the cottage cheese was easier on me this morning. I opened my mouth wide and chomped the bagel with my tongue retracted. At one point I chewed it normally and it did get me a little bit, but as with everything else. I am definitely seeing some progress.
Tomorrow is on me. Nobody to workout with at 5am. Will I dig deep and get up on my own? Maybe I will just do it after I wake up at a normal time. Thanks for listening, I have got to go now. Take care, until next time.
Right now I am making breakfast just got back from about 45 minute workout followed by roughly an hour playing basketball (by the end of the hour I was only playing every other play)! I played terrible; could not find my shot. I also got a blister on my ankle, these low cut socks are too low for my new work out shoes. I will either have to bring taller socks or bring my other pair of shoes to play ball in. I grabbed a bagel for breakfast this morning, that means I am doing the cottage cheese thing again today, I have not even double checked the nutrition guide yet! As far as my method goes: I am not really counting my calories, I will get into that later; right now if I just start eating better, not stopping at McDonald's for an Egg McMuffin and two breakfast burritos, it will be a massive improvement. Anyway on the menu: One whole grain bagel, one egg (no salt or pepper -- I don't own any haha), lowfat pineapple cottage cheese, small cup of orange juice, and small cup of milk. Cutting the bread out of the inside of one half the bagel to fill it with the cottage cheese. Probably could make a better/healthier breakfast, but like I said yesterday I just went to the store two mornings after reading the nutrition guide and I never made any plan (also on a tight budget).
My legs are weak; I feel like curling up in a ball and getting a few more hours of sleep. It is getting harder to wake up at 4:30-5:00 am; of course, last night I was staying up too late playing this moshi monster's game to level my nieces monster pets and get them extra spending points (Rox). They spend way too many rox for my liking, but yet I keep earning them more. My throat has a little discomfort from running up and down the basketball court, leaving me with the feeling of being winded. My arms are sore, but if my legs felt like my arms I would be a very happy person. Before I ate breakfast my stomach was feeling queasy, almost like I was going to lose all the water I drank this morning. As much as this all sounds like whining, I feel better. After the first week, I never really felt a lot of soreness. I think that has a lot to do with the amount of work I am able to put in, it is increasing. My form is improving. Even after the first day, I did not feel sore and I went as hard as I could: I did not really understand the work out then and I was trying to keep up with the pace without taking a break. Now that I have seen a few more videos, I know when you get tired and your form gets sloppy take a break and get back into it. On the first day I was throwing up stomach acid, I know it is disgusting. At this point, it is starting to become more effective, I am doing more and not feeling anywhere near as bad.
Well I actually finished breakfast a while ago, the cottage cheese was easier on me this morning. I opened my mouth wide and chomped the bagel with my tongue retracted. At one point I chewed it normally and it did get me a little bit, but as with everything else. I am definitely seeing some progress.
Tomorrow is on me. Nobody to workout with at 5am. Will I dig deep and get up on my own? Maybe I will just do it after I wake up at a normal time. Thanks for listening, I have got to go now. Take care, until next time.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Conquering a Cottage Cheese Bagel
I started working out 10 days ago, every weekday at 5 am. There are 2-5 of us that do the Insanity workout. They did it long before I got invited, but I guess one could say I bought into it after the first week. Literally, I found an unopened copy on craigslist for half the price they sell it for at Beachbody.com, plus no shipping cost, and went halvsies on it. This allowed me to do a workout on my own Saturday and the program dedicates Sunday as a day to rest; however, I had a pretty physically intense day at work on Sunday. It rained on Saturday, basically getting all five jumpers that were delivered that day wet or damp. They cannot be stored wet or they will become moldy, mildewy and smelly. I also had to deliver two combo jumpers, these are big jumpers that have other activities besides jumping, like slides, stairs, obstacles, and basketball hoops. I set up all five wet jumpers in the yard and took them all down later and rolled each one up. Plus I delivered and picked up both combo units and this was all done alone, without anyone's help.
All this, combined with the fact that my brother was in Vegas on a work sponsored convention trip, led to me not getting up at 5 am Monday morning. Nevertheless, I did a solo work out in the late afternoon and called it even. Although yesterday, I have no excuse, I was too lazy to get out of bed at 5 am; my feet were hurting and they still do some, but like I said that is no excuse. I do not feel too bad about it though since that is basically the first time I took a day to rest since I started.
Something about actually trying to get in shape makes conscious the knowledge that McDonald's and Jack In The Box just do not cut it for every meal or at least every other. Actually I have basically cut out fast food burgers in the last 10 days. I have been to Subway a few times, Del Taco once, Panda Express (Chinese) once, and had two sausage biscuits from Burger King one morning. Only four restaurants in ten days is Insanity for me. In some days past, I have eaten three meals a day at restaurants.
I attribute this meal consciousness to the workout. The Insanity DVDs came with a nutrition guide. It is not a diet plan so much as a healthy suggestion of what to eat to give a body the fuel it needs for those workouts. I read through it, most of the way. Just taking mental notes, not really getting a plan together. A few days ago I decided I better go to the store. I got only a few things (on a budget here) that I thought I remembered from my reading: bagels, eggs, orange juice, skim milk, english muffins, and pineapple cottage cheese. To be honest, I am not sure why I got the cottage cheese. I have never liked cottage cheese of any kind. It is not a flavor thing, I cannot even get to the point of experiencing flavor. Just looking at it makes me want to gag. Actually having it in my mouth pushes me to my limits and I must concentrate on not gagging in order to prevent it from happening.
Like I said, it has been a few days since I went to the store. I had not yet gotten up enough courage to try the cottage cheese. I have never had pineapple cottage cheese and there is always the idea in the back of your mind: what if I suddenly like cottage cheese now, what if I have been avoiding it for so long now and I really did not need to. This morning I opened it up and one look at my former nemesis and those hopeful ideas quickly dissipated. I stirred the slop with the knife I was going to use to spread it. It did not help. I started cutting pieces from the inside of the bagel to be filled with this cottage cheese that I was going to eat. The transfer from the knife to the bagel pieces that were consumed actually tasted good. I took that opportunity to try to convince myself, "See, you do like cottage cheese!" I thought. As I started "spreading" the cottage cheese into the bagel, my expression soured and I could hear myself saying, "Ewww, please don't eat that." I was very reassuring, "It will be quick and after all it is GOOD." I was very skeptical, but reluctantly I proceeded. As the first bite entered my mouth and came to rest on my tongue, I could hear someone in the back of my mind screaming with their best Will Ferrell impression, "He actually did it!"
Even now as I recall the horror, my eyes are welling up. Somehow I managed to chew and swallow. Remembering that this was supposed to be quick, I forced two more bites down in the same manner as the first. After which I briefly analyzed the situation; I was not going to make it, there was still half a slice of bagel left. Quickly allowing for my conflict resolution to take over, I folded the remaining bagel slice into half. Being that now only a fourth of a bagel remained, I felt my confidence coming back. I put the whole thing in my mouth and tried as best I could to chew only the bagel leaving the cottage cheese filling mostly undisturbed. It worked, I was able to put the rest down. As I stood there, head down; arms on either side of the sink; a small bead of sweat running down my forehead; and my stomach not quite okay with what was on it's way, I began to wonder, "is this what it means to eat healthier, to torture yourself with things you can hardly swallow? Does it become easier, will I look back one day and remember how hard it used to be?"
I really do not know those answers. As I put away the cottage cheese container, glancing at the contents within one last time, I questioned my purchasing decision; I also wondered if I would finish it before it goes bad. There was something else though, as I walked away from the kitchen filled with disbelief at what I had just put myself through, I felt strange. Strange in a way that, a double cheeseburger or three could never make one feel, I felt victorious. Be it a small victory, it was a victory nonetheless and here I am thinking about doing it again, maybe not tomorrow, but again someday (before this one goes bad anyway). That is of course after I double check the nutrition guide to make sure it does in fact have cottage cheese in some of the recipes and I did not misremember when I was at the store. After all cream cheese gets along a lot better with both bagels and me.
All this, combined with the fact that my brother was in Vegas on a work sponsored convention trip, led to me not getting up at 5 am Monday morning. Nevertheless, I did a solo work out in the late afternoon and called it even. Although yesterday, I have no excuse, I was too lazy to get out of bed at 5 am; my feet were hurting and they still do some, but like I said that is no excuse. I do not feel too bad about it though since that is basically the first time I took a day to rest since I started.
Something about actually trying to get in shape makes conscious the knowledge that McDonald's and Jack In The Box just do not cut it for every meal or at least every other. Actually I have basically cut out fast food burgers in the last 10 days. I have been to Subway a few times, Del Taco once, Panda Express (Chinese) once, and had two sausage biscuits from Burger King one morning. Only four restaurants in ten days is Insanity for me. In some days past, I have eaten three meals a day at restaurants.
I attribute this meal consciousness to the workout. The Insanity DVDs came with a nutrition guide. It is not a diet plan so much as a healthy suggestion of what to eat to give a body the fuel it needs for those workouts. I read through it, most of the way. Just taking mental notes, not really getting a plan together. A few days ago I decided I better go to the store. I got only a few things (on a budget here) that I thought I remembered from my reading: bagels, eggs, orange juice, skim milk, english muffins, and pineapple cottage cheese. To be honest, I am not sure why I got the cottage cheese. I have never liked cottage cheese of any kind. It is not a flavor thing, I cannot even get to the point of experiencing flavor. Just looking at it makes me want to gag. Actually having it in my mouth pushes me to my limits and I must concentrate on not gagging in order to prevent it from happening.
Like I said, it has been a few days since I went to the store. I had not yet gotten up enough courage to try the cottage cheese. I have never had pineapple cottage cheese and there is always the idea in the back of your mind: what if I suddenly like cottage cheese now, what if I have been avoiding it for so long now and I really did not need to. This morning I opened it up and one look at my former nemesis and those hopeful ideas quickly dissipated. I stirred the slop with the knife I was going to use to spread it. It did not help. I started cutting pieces from the inside of the bagel to be filled with this cottage cheese that I was going to eat. The transfer from the knife to the bagel pieces that were consumed actually tasted good. I took that opportunity to try to convince myself, "See, you do like cottage cheese!" I thought. As I started "spreading" the cottage cheese into the bagel, my expression soured and I could hear myself saying, "Ewww, please don't eat that." I was very reassuring, "It will be quick and after all it is GOOD." I was very skeptical, but reluctantly I proceeded. As the first bite entered my mouth and came to rest on my tongue, I could hear someone in the back of my mind screaming with their best Will Ferrell impression, "He actually did it!"
Even now as I recall the horror, my eyes are welling up. Somehow I managed to chew and swallow. Remembering that this was supposed to be quick, I forced two more bites down in the same manner as the first. After which I briefly analyzed the situation; I was not going to make it, there was still half a slice of bagel left. Quickly allowing for my conflict resolution to take over, I folded the remaining bagel slice into half. Being that now only a fourth of a bagel remained, I felt my confidence coming back. I put the whole thing in my mouth and tried as best I could to chew only the bagel leaving the cottage cheese filling mostly undisturbed. It worked, I was able to put the rest down. As I stood there, head down; arms on either side of the sink; a small bead of sweat running down my forehead; and my stomach not quite okay with what was on it's way, I began to wonder, "is this what it means to eat healthier, to torture yourself with things you can hardly swallow? Does it become easier, will I look back one day and remember how hard it used to be?"
I really do not know those answers. As I put away the cottage cheese container, glancing at the contents within one last time, I questioned my purchasing decision; I also wondered if I would finish it before it goes bad. There was something else though, as I walked away from the kitchen filled with disbelief at what I had just put myself through, I felt strange. Strange in a way that, a double cheeseburger or three could never make one feel, I felt victorious. Be it a small victory, it was a victory nonetheless and here I am thinking about doing it again, maybe not tomorrow, but again someday (before this one goes bad anyway). That is of course after I double check the nutrition guide to make sure it does in fact have cottage cheese in some of the recipes and I did not misremember when I was at the store. After all cream cheese gets along a lot better with both bagels and me.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Hotwheels Playroom
First off, I must confess I may have been misleading with one of my previous posts at least concerning my knowledge of Hotwheels tracks; it is not very extensive. I have always gravitated toward track building, whether it is for a car or a train. And although I feel as if I have explained this before here it is again:
For Christmas, my nephew got a Hotwheels wall track from his parents or maybe it was Santa; not sure whom I am supposed to give the credit to. I also got him a Hotwheels garage and several cars; oddly enough, I did not know what they were getting him and they did not know what I got him (I bought it at about the very last minute). I had also got him a wall track, but I did not wrap it right away and so when me and my brother talked about it, he told me my nephew was getting too many presents, when compared to what his older sisters were getting, and that I could take it back if I wanted.
Anyway, the wall track he got from his parents I assisted in putting that together. Although, I should probably say my brother assisted and I put it together. The issue my nephew had with the tracks is that he does not completely understand how to operate them, he is not quite 4 and the package states for children 4 and up. A loop that was rubber-band wound to push a car through it had to be removed from the track because he could not use it. Therefore, I was left to improvise or deviate from the set instructions. I probably would have done this anyway, but this has allowed me to imagine other ways of utilizing the same track pieces and not just sticking with what the box says to do. However, I just bought another track, mostly because it had a loop and since it was not rubber-band wound, was wondering if my nephew could use it. Unfortunately, the packaging does little to explain what happens when the track is set up. I have not put it on the wall, but I was snapping all the pieces together and this track eliminates the ability to deviate altogether. It almost snaps and slides together as one single entity. Therefore, lacking the standardization, I thought was implied in the other track that I did put together and also some of the tracks I had looked at pictures/videos of online at the Mattel shop. This only disappoints me more than I initially had been. All this attention I have dedicated to potential track deviations has led me to realize there are definite improvements that could be made that could allow children to apply their own imaginations.
Thoughts: there are a lot of 1 into 2 track pieces that use diverters or trapdoors; however, I have not seen a 2 into 1 piece. An inverted diverter or trapdoor would actually make more sense to me because the car will automatically interact with them in a 2 into 1 system as opposed to requiring a kid to push a lever or open the door to send the cars down a different path. Tracks are also confined. It is hard to explain what I mean by this, but I just feel like though the tracks connect, when you connect two sets you have two systems not one combined system. I think that could be changed, but it would require some redesigned pieces.
I should probably get to the point of this post, it is just a big idea that goes along with all the Hotwheels I have been thinking about lately. Although this is a big stretch from the track design I have been critiquing:
It is an idea to create a playhouse and track system. My thought was the playhouse would look like a car on the outside maybe even have functional wheels and be a mobile/transportable system. The inside would be covered with wall tracks, playsets, and artwork. I mentioned this idea to my brother and he did not say much about it. I am assuming he did not give the idea much thought. Not sure how he managed to do that, I cannot seem to stop thinking about this.
For Christmas, my nephew got a Hotwheels wall track from his parents or maybe it was Santa; not sure whom I am supposed to give the credit to. I also got him a Hotwheels garage and several cars; oddly enough, I did not know what they were getting him and they did not know what I got him (I bought it at about the very last minute). I had also got him a wall track, but I did not wrap it right away and so when me and my brother talked about it, he told me my nephew was getting too many presents, when compared to what his older sisters were getting, and that I could take it back if I wanted.
Anyway, the wall track he got from his parents I assisted in putting that together. Although, I should probably say my brother assisted and I put it together. The issue my nephew had with the tracks is that he does not completely understand how to operate them, he is not quite 4 and the package states for children 4 and up. A loop that was rubber-band wound to push a car through it had to be removed from the track because he could not use it. Therefore, I was left to improvise or deviate from the set instructions. I probably would have done this anyway, but this has allowed me to imagine other ways of utilizing the same track pieces and not just sticking with what the box says to do. However, I just bought another track, mostly because it had a loop and since it was not rubber-band wound, was wondering if my nephew could use it. Unfortunately, the packaging does little to explain what happens when the track is set up. I have not put it on the wall, but I was snapping all the pieces together and this track eliminates the ability to deviate altogether. It almost snaps and slides together as one single entity. Therefore, lacking the standardization, I thought was implied in the other track that I did put together and also some of the tracks I had looked at pictures/videos of online at the Mattel shop. This only disappoints me more than I initially had been. All this attention I have dedicated to potential track deviations has led me to realize there are definite improvements that could be made that could allow children to apply their own imaginations.
Thoughts: there are a lot of 1 into 2 track pieces that use diverters or trapdoors; however, I have not seen a 2 into 1 piece. An inverted diverter or trapdoor would actually make more sense to me because the car will automatically interact with them in a 2 into 1 system as opposed to requiring a kid to push a lever or open the door to send the cars down a different path. Tracks are also confined. It is hard to explain what I mean by this, but I just feel like though the tracks connect, when you connect two sets you have two systems not one combined system. I think that could be changed, but it would require some redesigned pieces.
I should probably get to the point of this post, it is just a big idea that goes along with all the Hotwheels I have been thinking about lately. Although this is a big stretch from the track design I have been critiquing:
It is an idea to create a playhouse and track system. My thought was the playhouse would look like a car on the outside maybe even have functional wheels and be a mobile/transportable system. The inside would be covered with wall tracks, playsets, and artwork. I mentioned this idea to my brother and he did not say much about it. I am assuming he did not give the idea much thought. Not sure how he managed to do that, I cannot seem to stop thinking about this.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
More toys
Just went to Goodwill with my brother and he picked up a Hotwheels electronic Powershift Garage Playset, which I get to keep until my nephews birthday. I am definitely going to have to get this puppy assembled and put on the decals. Unfortunately the only electronic part to this thing is sounds, I believe. It is outfitted with a joystick and it would be awesome if you could actually control something with that. The box also makes it look like it came with track pieces that lead away from the garage, but if it did those are gone now.
Speaking of my nephew, he has started to figure out the diverter switch and trap door on his wall track. Which is great, but he likes to line up about 10 cars and let them all go at the same time. I am more of a "let it go and do not touch it until it reaches the bottom or flips off the track" player. Therefore we get into these scuffles. Which is mostly him just yelling at me for not doing it exactly how he wants it, then I pick him up, lift him as high in the air as I can, and pretend I drop him. He then asks if we can do that again like it was the best thing ever; to which I reply, "No, can you focus on watching me play cars. Mkay thanks." Okay, that is not really true, I mostly just pick him up a few more times and then set a car on the track in the hopes that he will be too distracted to catch it He catches it every time and then he tells me to help him line more up behind that one. The funnest part is that after I have helped him line the cars up, I sometimes have to pretend to snooze with my body at the bottom of the track. Therefore I can jump after the cars crash into me and say surprised, "Hey what just happened!" The command to do execute this is "sleep".
It is rough not getting your way. It is even worse that I cannot bring my own toys to play with because they will get claimed. That is not all that has got me down though. After a little thought, I have started to realize the Hotwheels wall tracks are not as interchangeable/connectable as they first seemed. They use a common wall mount/connector piece that pretty much every piece of track will lock into, whether it slides over it like a vintage track piece or hooks in with a matching + connector. From the tracks I have seen they also all seem to be designed to be laid at the same angle. Therefore if you have two wall mounts on the wall to hold a piece of track any piece that does the same basic thing from another track will snap into it. The four basic pieces are left to right straight pieces, right to left straight pieces, left to right corners, and right to left corners. Left to right describes the direction the car travels down the track and straight or corner is the shape of the piece. A straight piece could easily be replaced by a flat piece of track while corner pieces are a little more complex. They basically drop the wall track down a level and invert the direction of the straight pieces. For example, if the track starts out left to right straight piece and runs into a left to right corner, the next logical piece would be a right to left straight piece This would basically create a sideways V on the wall with the open end facing the left. Although after having said all that one could theoretically create a track that goes left to right straight, left to right corner, right to left corner: in which case the track would look something like a 7 except the top would be more slanted and the stem would be more zig zag or wavy. I will probably have to explain that better, but it would require pictures.
My point is, the track designs are sometimes too tight. And despite quite a bit of interchangeability some corners might need to be redesigned to maintain functionality in an elongated system.
Speaking of my nephew, he has started to figure out the diverter switch and trap door on his wall track. Which is great, but he likes to line up about 10 cars and let them all go at the same time. I am more of a "let it go and do not touch it until it reaches the bottom or flips off the track" player. Therefore we get into these scuffles. Which is mostly him just yelling at me for not doing it exactly how he wants it, then I pick him up, lift him as high in the air as I can, and pretend I drop him. He then asks if we can do that again like it was the best thing ever; to which I reply, "No, can you focus on watching me play cars. Mkay thanks." Okay, that is not really true, I mostly just pick him up a few more times and then set a car on the track in the hopes that he will be too distracted to catch it He catches it every time and then he tells me to help him line more up behind that one. The funnest part is that after I have helped him line the cars up, I sometimes have to pretend to snooze with my body at the bottom of the track. Therefore I can jump after the cars crash into me and say surprised, "Hey what just happened!" The command to do execute this is "sleep".
It is rough not getting your way. It is even worse that I cannot bring my own toys to play with because they will get claimed. That is not all that has got me down though. After a little thought, I have started to realize the Hotwheels wall tracks are not as interchangeable/connectable as they first seemed. They use a common wall mount/connector piece that pretty much every piece of track will lock into, whether it slides over it like a vintage track piece or hooks in with a matching + connector. From the tracks I have seen they also all seem to be designed to be laid at the same angle. Therefore if you have two wall mounts on the wall to hold a piece of track any piece that does the same basic thing from another track will snap into it. The four basic pieces are left to right straight pieces, right to left straight pieces, left to right corners, and right to left corners. Left to right describes the direction the car travels down the track and straight or corner is the shape of the piece. A straight piece could easily be replaced by a flat piece of track while corner pieces are a little more complex. They basically drop the wall track down a level and invert the direction of the straight pieces. For example, if the track starts out left to right straight piece and runs into a left to right corner, the next logical piece would be a right to left straight piece This would basically create a sideways V on the wall with the open end facing the left. Although after having said all that one could theoretically create a track that goes left to right straight, left to right corner, right to left corner: in which case the track would look something like a 7 except the top would be more slanted and the stem would be more zig zag or wavy. I will probably have to explain that better, but it would require pictures.
My point is, the track designs are sometimes too tight. And despite quite a bit of interchangeability some corners might need to be redesigned to maintain functionality in an elongated system.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Twinked
For Christmas I received an unopened box of Hostess Twinkies. I know what you are thinking, great gift for the fat guy, and you would be right. Except obviously the reason they were a gift at all is because what is going on with Hostess; therefore no more Twinkies. To be honest, I am skeptical. I am sure Twinkies will be back, maybe someone will buy the brand or maybe Hostess will sell to itself in some way that is legal, but questionably ethical. I am not a lawyer, so I do not know how it could be done; however, I am fairly certain it could happen.
My point is, I believe Twinkies will more than likely be back. The dilemma then was, do I profit of some poor imbecile that believes the extinction of the Twinkies has increased their value? I mean really has the price of substitutes increased or especially of knock-offs? Nope. I do not think they are worth more than what you could buy them for at Wal-mart if they still have stock. Nevertheless, if there is a willing buyer out there that will pay more than they are worth, then why not take advantage of that person? My brother suggested I put them on craigslist.
After hearing his advice, I planned on doing just that. I looked over the box to check out the condition and I needed to find one pertinent bit of information: expiration date. Much to my dismay, the Twinkies are best used by December 16. Well that is a bummer. I cannot in good conscience sell a food product that has exceeded it's date of expiration.
Well there was only one thing left to do: A little stale, but still delicious. Hopefully, they are still this good when they comeback.
Update (12/1/2014: Just read this, got to say: And how long were twinkies gone for? like two months or what maybe three? Ha! People are crazy.
My point is, I believe Twinkies will more than likely be back. The dilemma then was, do I profit of some poor imbecile that believes the extinction of the Twinkies has increased their value? I mean really has the price of substitutes increased or especially of knock-offs? Nope. I do not think they are worth more than what you could buy them for at Wal-mart if they still have stock. Nevertheless, if there is a willing buyer out there that will pay more than they are worth, then why not take advantage of that person? My brother suggested I put them on craigslist.
After hearing his advice, I planned on doing just that. I looked over the box to check out the condition and I needed to find one pertinent bit of information: expiration date. Much to my dismay, the Twinkies are best used by December 16. Well that is a bummer. I cannot in good conscience sell a food product that has exceeded it's date of expiration.
Well there was only one thing left to do: A little stale, but still delicious. Hopefully, they are still this good when they comeback.
Update (12/1/2014: Just read this, got to say: And how long were twinkies gone for? like two months or what maybe three? Ha! People are crazy.
Stuffed.
My stomach may explode while I try typing this, at least that will give me a sense of urgency and maybe this won't end up as a draft (never to be completed). I had dinner at my brother's over an hour ago and I am still completely bloated. I did not think I ate that much food. It was enchiladas and rice though so it may have been the rice. I only had 3 enchiladas. Never would I have thought three would have made me so full.
Here it is though: I finished my first plate, two enchiladas with a side of rice, and I was feeling done. However, as I was sitting there, having finished my plate and feeling satisfied, my brother's wife told me there was more. To which my retort was pretty standard, a basic statement of acknowledgement; but neither affirming nor denying that I would be having more. My brother laughed as if I had responded with a strong, possibly enthusiastic affirmation.
The wheels had already been spinning, before he laughed. Would not having a second plate send an unintended message? Would it be rude or inconsiderate? Would it not just be better to just eat more, just in case?
If I wasn't so ready for bed, I could probably sit here and complain about it for another hour. I'll feel better in the morning.
Here it is though: I finished my first plate, two enchiladas with a side of rice, and I was feeling done. However, as I was sitting there, having finished my plate and feeling satisfied, my brother's wife told me there was more. To which my retort was pretty standard, a basic statement of acknowledgement; but neither affirming nor denying that I would be having more. My brother laughed as if I had responded with a strong, possibly enthusiastic affirmation.
The wheels had already been spinning, before he laughed. Would not having a second plate send an unintended message? Would it be rude or inconsiderate? Would it not just be better to just eat more, just in case?
If I wasn't so ready for bed, I could probably sit here and complain about it for another hour. I'll feel better in the morning.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Christmas Tree Charity
This was just a quick idea that popped into my head. Now that Christmas is over and families are starting to take down their trees I have noticed a few people giving theirs away for free; they either want a new tree or a real tree next year, or it just is not feasible to keep up with it until next year.
Anyway the thought occurred to me that one might collect these trees store them for the next 10 or 11 months, then sell them at a reasonable price to the frugal or give them to the needy. The revenue generated from sales could be used for philanthropy. If someone did this long enough and was perceived as a legitimate non-profit organization I think more people would be willing to donate and buy trees from the organization. Ultimately it could almost be like renting a tree with the option of keeping it and embracing the spirit of giving at the same time.
One problem is that it could require a lot of space and for an inventory that only turns once in a year and all within one months time. It would also call for a lot of work in December and January, but nothing but sitting on the shelves the rest of the year.
For all I know, someone might be doing this now. I have never heard of them. Of course, recently I have not been much of a Christmas tree person; I feel like it is more of a family activity.
Anyway the thought occurred to me that one might collect these trees store them for the next 10 or 11 months, then sell them at a reasonable price to the frugal or give them to the needy. The revenue generated from sales could be used for philanthropy. If someone did this long enough and was perceived as a legitimate non-profit organization I think more people would be willing to donate and buy trees from the organization. Ultimately it could almost be like renting a tree with the option of keeping it and embracing the spirit of giving at the same time.
One problem is that it could require a lot of space and for an inventory that only turns once in a year and all within one months time. It would also call for a lot of work in December and January, but nothing but sitting on the shelves the rest of the year.
For all I know, someone might be doing this now. I have never heard of them. Of course, recently I have not been much of a Christmas tree person; I feel like it is more of a family activity.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Vroom vroom erhmmmm; ahrrrrrrr errrr kush kiih
My nephew got a hotwheels wall track for Christmas. First of all it is totally awesome, but he is too little to operate some of the mechanical aspects. Therefore, they must be left off. He also does not like to share, which makes me very sad.
Hotwheels have always been cool, but somewhere after the time I stopped playing with them they started making some awesome tracks. I had some track pieces when I was a little boy, but nothing that was as cool as what they make now. As far as I know there was nothing motorized available and although the loops were around, I do not remember them actually working very well. Well he has a loop and it works awesome, except for the fact that it is rubber-band wound up and therefore only works one time before needing to be re-wound. Which is ultimately the problem, he does not understand how to get it prepared for a car. He doesn't have anything motorized, but after playing with what he does have for a while, we went to the website and I saw some cool tracks that I would love to play with!
I am starting to wonder if I have any of my track pieces left, I know exactly where I last stored them. I may have decided to throw them away though. Also wondering if I still have some hotwheels from when I started "collecting" them. I know I gave some to my other nephew for Christmas a few years ago.
I may have to start collecting track pieces and one day build one of the world's largest automated hotwheels tracks. How awesome would it be to come home to the sound of hotwheels racing around the track, one that reaches two stories high? I actually did go to a Goodwill today looking for track pieces, but they only had city pieces. I thought about it, but ultimately could not settle for anything less than track pieces. I did pick up a pair of hotwheels Ford Mustang '92 and '13 from Wal-mart; I probably still do have two more Ford Mustang hotwheels cars somewhere, no matter what has happened with the rest of my collection I am certain I did not get rid of those.
Well I think it is time for me to get back to it.
P.S. for those that may have never played with cars before vroom vroom is the sound a car makes when shifting gears erhmmmm is accelerating or cruising at top gear and ahrrrrrr errrr is squealing brakes and finally kush kiih is shattering glass/crashing.
Vroom vroooom vrooooooom.
Hmmm. Vroom vroom can also be revving the engine.
Update 1/4/2012: I have since been to several stores to see if I could find the awesome wall track I saw on hotwheels.com, Mid-Air Madness, no luck; however, I did manage to find two more Ford Mustangs and I grabbed 3 cars from the HW Racing collection that are supposedly "great for tracks". But wait, I am not finished I also found a loop that I initially thought would go good with my nephews wall tracks, although I am beginning to have second thoughts, not sure if I want to share! I also did not mention that I initially bought a wall track and a hotwheels garage with a drag strip on top for my nephew for Christmas, but since he had so many more toys than his older sister's coming to him already, I did not give him the wall track and I have been toying with the idea of keeping it for myself or to give to one of my other nephews eventually. I was playing with my nephews toys while he was out of town, trying to decide if I wanted to open up my toys and build a bigger track, I decided against that, but took a picture of my toys to share.
Hotwheels have always been cool, but somewhere after the time I stopped playing with them they started making some awesome tracks. I had some track pieces when I was a little boy, but nothing that was as cool as what they make now. As far as I know there was nothing motorized available and although the loops were around, I do not remember them actually working very well. Well he has a loop and it works awesome, except for the fact that it is rubber-band wound up and therefore only works one time before needing to be re-wound. Which is ultimately the problem, he does not understand how to get it prepared for a car. He doesn't have anything motorized, but after playing with what he does have for a while, we went to the website and I saw some cool tracks that I would love to play with!
I am starting to wonder if I have any of my track pieces left, I know exactly where I last stored them. I may have decided to throw them away though. Also wondering if I still have some hotwheels from when I started "collecting" them. I know I gave some to my other nephew for Christmas a few years ago.
I may have to start collecting track pieces and one day build one of the world's largest automated hotwheels tracks. How awesome would it be to come home to the sound of hotwheels racing around the track, one that reaches two stories high? I actually did go to a Goodwill today looking for track pieces, but they only had city pieces. I thought about it, but ultimately could not settle for anything less than track pieces. I did pick up a pair of hotwheels Ford Mustang '92 and '13 from Wal-mart; I probably still do have two more Ford Mustang hotwheels cars somewhere, no matter what has happened with the rest of my collection I am certain I did not get rid of those.
Well I think it is time for me to get back to it.
P.S. for those that may have never played with cars before vroom vroom is the sound a car makes when shifting gears erhmmmm is accelerating or cruising at top gear and ahrrrrrr errrr is squealing brakes and finally kush kiih is shattering glass/crashing.
Vroom vroooom vrooooooom.
Hmmm. Vroom vroom can also be revving the engine.
Update 1/4/2012: I have since been to several stores to see if I could find the awesome wall track I saw on hotwheels.com, Mid-Air Madness, no luck; however, I did manage to find two more Ford Mustangs and I grabbed 3 cars from the HW Racing collection that are supposedly "great for tracks". But wait, I am not finished I also found a loop that I initially thought would go good with my nephews wall tracks, although I am beginning to have second thoughts, not sure if I want to share! I also did not mention that I initially bought a wall track and a hotwheels garage with a drag strip on top for my nephew for Christmas, but since he had so many more toys than his older sister's coming to him already, I did not give him the wall track and I have been toying with the idea of keeping it for myself or to give to one of my other nephews eventually. I was playing with my nephews toys while he was out of town, trying to decide if I wanted to open up my toys and build a bigger track, I decided against that, but took a picture of my toys to share.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Ugh
I stole the title from a former co-worker, she constantly posts it as a status on facebook. I think it pretty much sums up how I am feeling right about now. My only problem is I like to show my work a little too much, so there is no way I could post something like that to facebook without explanation. Where to start though?
Well I woke up late this morning, not that I had a lot to do today. I did not, unless we want to talk about the things that I probably should be doing, but have not shown much initiative to do. Like find another part-time job or do some deep cleaning in this house or perhaps exercise. Instead, I just went to McDonald's and then headed over to my brother's house. Only I was surprised to find he was not there but Elba was, she is like the nanny (except when she goes to my brother's house to watch his kids she usually brings Jayden and Mateo too), which meant I decided to eat the breakfast I had brought to share with my brother and his son, Maxson. I forgot it was Thursday (not Friday) anyway and Maxson is in school until 10:45, he gets to spend the day at home on Fridays. So after I ate my enormous breakfast, big enough for 2 adults and 1 child except for the hash browns I ordered got left out, I found something on television to pass the time. Except, I found a movie and I have this problem where I like to watch the entire movie. Seriously it is a pet peeve if you watch a movie you watch the whole thing, if you fall asleep you watch it the next day or at least soonish. So I started watching Slumdog Millionaire and my brother asked me to do something and so I stopped watching it to go do that, it does not matter that I have seen it before; there is this feeling of emptiness inside me now just knowing I did not finish watching the movie again.
I did not finish what he asked me to do either, but I think it is almost done. Anyway, while I am doing what he asked, he goes on a DVR rampage and he is freeing up space. It just so happened, I had just decided to record a few "That 70s Show" episodes so he starts asking what is going on here. It was kind of funny there were like four episodes coming on in a row and I just pressed record series, he said "there's so many, is this something you are recording? Oh okay." Maybe you had to be there. Seriously though, if I had realized it was going to come under scrutiny within an hour of pressing that record button, I would have never done it! I just thought my brother might actually like to watch the show with me, but if not I would enjoy it; it is funny after all.
Then I spent way too long taking in news over the internet. Checked e-mail, craigslist, yahoo. etc. My brother left while I was doing this, but he handed me a rental agreement that was scheduled for today and said here try to take this early. I asked, "When, like right now?" To which he replied, "Sure, if you can."
Up until this point it had not been either an especially bad or good day. I did not jump up right away and take the jumper delivery, which if I had it might have been better for me at least I wouldn't feel solely responsible. See the problem is it started raining and jumpers/bounce houses aren't really a rainy weather activity. They really do not even have much demand in these 60 degree temperatures. Nevertheless, it was sprinkling outside and I called the customer about 3 hours before it was supposed to be delivered. She did not cancel, which at first I thought was good, even since I initially thought she probably was going to. I set the jumper up and it was sprinkling off and on the whole time. Then I collected the money, she asked me then if she got her money back if it rained and I told her that was not something we do. She still paid me and I was on my way. On the car drive back to my brother's it was more of the same; sprinkling never really raining heavy.
I arrive at my brother's home and was greeted by Maxson, Jayden, Mateo, and even Elba (She doesn't speak and hardly understands English). Maxson is just being silly and wants attention and Elba is trying to tell me or ask something. In the process of trying to communicate with Elba, Maxson smacks me a good one right in the balls (which is starting to get annoying I did not see him do it to know his intentions, but his sister's have started feeble attempts at kicking me between the legs for their own amusement; sadly he got me better than either one of them has). All I understood from Elba was "hermana" so I guessed she was looking for Maxson's sisters. It was about time for them to be home, so I made an assumption. I still wonder why she wouldn't have just said their names.
I called my brother to ask him if he was picking up the girls, and we started talking about the rain and the jumper delivery. I relayed him everything I've shared here. Apparently he was a few blocks away and it was really coming down. I stepped outside and it was still sprinkling a bit, but not really coming down. He told me we would wait for the customer to call, but I was getting the impression he would have rather I did not set it up. I looked up a weather map to see what was going on. It appeared to be moving North and it was not going to be over soon. I am already feeling like I screwed up and all I really did was what I was told.
Then he comes home and we start talking about the delivery. He goes over what all was said and he is not feeling good about it. He starts lecturing me on what to say to customers when it might possibly rain. Don't get me wrong the experience or training I get in that moment is invaluable, but it also sends a clear message that I screwed up. He decides to call the customer and offer to pick up the now soaked bounce house and return half of the money (the customer also rented tables and chairs and they kept those for the party). Basically they paid normal price for the table's and chairs and I got a bounce house wet and made two trips to the delivery. The company books might show revenue from this deliver, but it will cost more than was collected. I spent about 5 hours on the delivery so far and the tables and chairs still need to be picked up and the unit is not completely dry. I spent 2 hours already trying to clean and dry the unit some. It was hardly getting anywhere and I was afraid it might keep sprinkling, so I rolled the unit back up and put it in the garage.
My brother left the house on a date with his wife or something, I am assuming (he did not tell me). I eventually just left his house, probably should have called, but I am tired and I just wanted to be home. So I have not even spoke with him since picking up the wet unit. I probably should have just brought it to my place and put it in the garage or something, but I did not know he was not going to be home.
I stopped at Wendy's on the way home and they did not give me a receipt, straw, or napkins. Which is no big deal, but damn why must they forget those things today?
Well I woke up late this morning, not that I had a lot to do today. I did not, unless we want to talk about the things that I probably should be doing, but have not shown much initiative to do. Like find another part-time job or do some deep cleaning in this house or perhaps exercise. Instead, I just went to McDonald's and then headed over to my brother's house. Only I was surprised to find he was not there but Elba was, she is like the nanny (except when she goes to my brother's house to watch his kids she usually brings Jayden and Mateo too), which meant I decided to eat the breakfast I had brought to share with my brother and his son, Maxson. I forgot it was Thursday (not Friday) anyway and Maxson is in school until 10:45, he gets to spend the day at home on Fridays. So after I ate my enormous breakfast, big enough for 2 adults and 1 child except for the hash browns I ordered got left out, I found something on television to pass the time. Except, I found a movie and I have this problem where I like to watch the entire movie. Seriously it is a pet peeve if you watch a movie you watch the whole thing, if you fall asleep you watch it the next day or at least soonish. So I started watching Slumdog Millionaire and my brother asked me to do something and so I stopped watching it to go do that, it does not matter that I have seen it before; there is this feeling of emptiness inside me now just knowing I did not finish watching the movie again.
I did not finish what he asked me to do either, but I think it is almost done. Anyway, while I am doing what he asked, he goes on a DVR rampage and he is freeing up space. It just so happened, I had just decided to record a few "That 70s Show" episodes so he starts asking what is going on here. It was kind of funny there were like four episodes coming on in a row and I just pressed record series, he said "there's so many, is this something you are recording? Oh okay." Maybe you had to be there. Seriously though, if I had realized it was going to come under scrutiny within an hour of pressing that record button, I would have never done it! I just thought my brother might actually like to watch the show with me, but if not I would enjoy it; it is funny after all.
Then I spent way too long taking in news over the internet. Checked e-mail, craigslist, yahoo. etc. My brother left while I was doing this, but he handed me a rental agreement that was scheduled for today and said here try to take this early. I asked, "When, like right now?" To which he replied, "Sure, if you can."
Up until this point it had not been either an especially bad or good day. I did not jump up right away and take the jumper delivery, which if I had it might have been better for me at least I wouldn't feel solely responsible. See the problem is it started raining and jumpers/bounce houses aren't really a rainy weather activity. They really do not even have much demand in these 60 degree temperatures. Nevertheless, it was sprinkling outside and I called the customer about 3 hours before it was supposed to be delivered. She did not cancel, which at first I thought was good, even since I initially thought she probably was going to. I set the jumper up and it was sprinkling off and on the whole time. Then I collected the money, she asked me then if she got her money back if it rained and I told her that was not something we do. She still paid me and I was on my way. On the car drive back to my brother's it was more of the same; sprinkling never really raining heavy.
I arrive at my brother's home and was greeted by Maxson, Jayden, Mateo, and even Elba (She doesn't speak and hardly understands English). Maxson is just being silly and wants attention and Elba is trying to tell me or ask something. In the process of trying to communicate with Elba, Maxson smacks me a good one right in the balls (which is starting to get annoying I did not see him do it to know his intentions, but his sister's have started feeble attempts at kicking me between the legs for their own amusement; sadly he got me better than either one of them has). All I understood from Elba was "hermana" so I guessed she was looking for Maxson's sisters. It was about time for them to be home, so I made an assumption. I still wonder why she wouldn't have just said their names.
I called my brother to ask him if he was picking up the girls, and we started talking about the rain and the jumper delivery. I relayed him everything I've shared here. Apparently he was a few blocks away and it was really coming down. I stepped outside and it was still sprinkling a bit, but not really coming down. He told me we would wait for the customer to call, but I was getting the impression he would have rather I did not set it up. I looked up a weather map to see what was going on. It appeared to be moving North and it was not going to be over soon. I am already feeling like I screwed up and all I really did was what I was told.
Then he comes home and we start talking about the delivery. He goes over what all was said and he is not feeling good about it. He starts lecturing me on what to say to customers when it might possibly rain. Don't get me wrong the experience or training I get in that moment is invaluable, but it also sends a clear message that I screwed up. He decides to call the customer and offer to pick up the now soaked bounce house and return half of the money (the customer also rented tables and chairs and they kept those for the party). Basically they paid normal price for the table's and chairs and I got a bounce house wet and made two trips to the delivery. The company books might show revenue from this deliver, but it will cost more than was collected. I spent about 5 hours on the delivery so far and the tables and chairs still need to be picked up and the unit is not completely dry. I spent 2 hours already trying to clean and dry the unit some. It was hardly getting anywhere and I was afraid it might keep sprinkling, so I rolled the unit back up and put it in the garage.
My brother left the house on a date with his wife or something, I am assuming (he did not tell me). I eventually just left his house, probably should have called, but I am tired and I just wanted to be home. So I have not even spoke with him since picking up the wet unit. I probably should have just brought it to my place and put it in the garage or something, but I did not know he was not going to be home.
I stopped at Wendy's on the way home and they did not give me a receipt, straw, or napkins. Which is no big deal, but damn why must they forget those things today?
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Fuel -- Bad Day
It has been a bad day. Right now I'm on Nellis A.F.B. for at least another hour or two. I am supposed to have collected $280 from the delivery here, but I told them I would talk to the boss to see what kind of discount we could get them since I basically showed up at the base when they were expecting to start.
I am waiting for that party to end so I can get it without worrying about how to get back on base. The fun part of it all is using my brother's phone to type it all up. I have not really told anyone but family, but my blackberry has a busted screen and I am not upgrading (contract is up) so I am just not using a phone (I never call anyone really and no one can reciprocate what is not happening), but I would still have an easier time typing with the screen busted all up than this thing. I do not love the Samsung Galaxy and/or the touchscreen keyboard. Yet, despite all my hatred; dealing with this is still the better part of my day. Here allow me to explain:
One Lady wanted to set up two bounce houses for 11:30 this morning; only she did not understand we arrive early to have it set up by that start time. I started calling about 9:00 am hoping to drive right over, she was only 10 minutes away. No answer at either number, left a message on one number, voicemail full on the other. I go to breakfast and stop in a goodwill, just to give her some time to call me back. Twenty minutes later I try to call again. Twenty minutes after that I am knocking on the door, just hoping they open that! I have no more time to wait for her, but I will have to wait anyway. After about 5 minutes and ringing the door bell twice and thinking about a third time (I heard voices inside, come on people) they finally ask, "Who is there?" I explained who I was through the door and they said, "Oh wow, you are early!" Well not really ma'am if your party is at 11:30, arriving at 9:00 might have been early; but after waiting until almost 10 to show up I am no longer early. They do not currently have a key to the back gate and again they are shocked that I would show up at almost 10:00 for an 11:30 party, so early, how dare I? Seriously though, this guy was genuinely upset (I could hear it in his voice) that I was early. Well he could have been upset at the gardener, but he was projecting it onto me. See the gardener had broken his key to the gate off and that was why they did not have they key and he was supposed to be at the house at 6:30 am and here I am so early at 10:00 and the gardener has not been there!
The phone is really acting wonky now so going to finish this and fix at a computer later. Time lapse; two hours later: I am at a computer now the phone was not letting me scroll down, and the cursor was stuck blinking about halfway. Additionally, my willingness to make typos had increased as I went along. Anyway I have cleaned everything up now (hopefully before anyone saw this). We return now to the story of a Bad Day already in progress:
Since, I had to wait for the gardener, I threw what I could over the gate, but the customer was still apparently upset about me arriving early that he was not ready to let me start setting everything up. All the while they were eating into my next customer's time. I am finally permitted to enter into the forbidden land by walking through the home. However, the problems did not end there. I tried explaining to the customer both bounce house blower motors would need to be on a different circuit otherwise it would likely trip the breaker. They did not understand and asked me to try to put them both on the same outlet! All I could do was hope that circuit could handle that kind of voltage. It could not and I soon found out that almost every plug on the front of the house was on the same circuit none of the outlets could handle it when both blowers were plugged in. Finally we ran one of the extension cords to an outlet at the back of the house. By this time I had been there nearly an hour and a half and 10:00 did not seem so early to them for an 11:30 party. The problem was my other party started at 12:00! I was supposed to have been there at 10:30, which is why I was super frustrated by all the shenanigans I ran into at this first customer.
Well my day has gotten a lot better. With the help I had from the party-goers at Nellis we had their party rentals set up super fast. Also got them taken down pretty quickly with their help. Gave them a little more of a discount than the boss approved, but I got a tip from the first disaster, err customer, to cover the difference (Shh don't tell). This post sucks and I am done with it, get over it.
Now go enjoy the song (click here -->) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGHnYD2y-44">Fuel -- Bad Day</a>
I am waiting for that party to end so I can get it without worrying about how to get back on base. The fun part of it all is using my brother's phone to type it all up. I have not really told anyone but family, but my blackberry has a busted screen and I am not upgrading (contract is up) so I am just not using a phone (I never call anyone really and no one can reciprocate what is not happening), but I would still have an easier time typing with the screen busted all up than this thing. I do not love the Samsung Galaxy and/or the touchscreen keyboard. Yet, despite all my hatred; dealing with this is still the better part of my day. Here allow me to explain:
One Lady wanted to set up two bounce houses for 11:30 this morning; only she did not understand we arrive early to have it set up by that start time. I started calling about 9:00 am hoping to drive right over, she was only 10 minutes away. No answer at either number, left a message on one number, voicemail full on the other. I go to breakfast and stop in a goodwill, just to give her some time to call me back. Twenty minutes later I try to call again. Twenty minutes after that I am knocking on the door, just hoping they open that! I have no more time to wait for her, but I will have to wait anyway. After about 5 minutes and ringing the door bell twice and thinking about a third time (I heard voices inside, come on people) they finally ask, "Who is there?" I explained who I was through the door and they said, "Oh wow, you are early!" Well not really ma'am if your party is at 11:30, arriving at 9:00 might have been early; but after waiting until almost 10 to show up I am no longer early. They do not currently have a key to the back gate and again they are shocked that I would show up at almost 10:00 for an 11:30 party, so early, how dare I? Seriously though, this guy was genuinely upset (I could hear it in his voice) that I was early. Well he could have been upset at the gardener, but he was projecting it onto me. See the gardener had broken his key to the gate off and that was why they did not have they key and he was supposed to be at the house at 6:30 am and here I am so early at 10:00 and the gardener has not been there!
The phone is really acting wonky now so going to finish this and fix at a computer later. Time lapse; two hours later: I am at a computer now the phone was not letting me scroll down, and the cursor was stuck blinking about halfway. Additionally, my willingness to make typos had increased as I went along. Anyway I have cleaned everything up now (hopefully before anyone saw this). We return now to the story of a Bad Day already in progress:
Since, I had to wait for the gardener, I threw what I could over the gate, but the customer was still apparently upset about me arriving early that he was not ready to let me start setting everything up. All the while they were eating into my next customer's time. I am finally permitted to enter into the forbidden land by walking through the home. However, the problems did not end there. I tried explaining to the customer both bounce house blower motors would need to be on a different circuit otherwise it would likely trip the breaker. They did not understand and asked me to try to put them both on the same outlet! All I could do was hope that circuit could handle that kind of voltage. It could not and I soon found out that almost every plug on the front of the house was on the same circuit none of the outlets could handle it when both blowers were plugged in. Finally we ran one of the extension cords to an outlet at the back of the house. By this time I had been there nearly an hour and a half and 10:00 did not seem so early to them for an 11:30 party. The problem was my other party started at 12:00! I was supposed to have been there at 10:30, which is why I was super frustrated by all the shenanigans I ran into at this first customer.
Well my day has gotten a lot better. With the help I had from the party-goers at Nellis we had their party rentals set up super fast. Also got them taken down pretty quickly with their help. Gave them a little more of a discount than the boss approved, but I got a tip from the first disaster, err customer, to cover the difference (Shh don't tell). This post sucks and I am done with it, get over it.
Now go enjoy the song (click here -->) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGHnYD2y-44">Fuel -- Bad Day</a>
Haunted
I am pissed off at this blinking cursor on the blank
page. While I do feel a need to write
something, anything; all that is going through my head is how difficult and
frustrating that is for me. Yet, that
seems to be all I ever write about and this has me exhausted and annoyed. Therefore, I hate that this is what I am
doing now and I wish to apologize up front to the few people that for whatever
reason feel obligated to read my ranting.
I like to believe there is a common misconception that I am
the epitome of the typical male or at least an average approximation. I am not entirely sure what that even entails;
though mostly, I refer to male machismo. It is hard to say what my friends really
think; I remember watching a movie once and I could not convince anyone, after
it was over, that I did not fall asleep.
The movie was Message in a Bottle, if memory serves me correctly, I did watch
the entire flick. I did not think it was
great, but it was decent. The reason, I
believe, that I was accused of snoozing was my horrific slouching posture. By the end of the movie I believe my back had
made it to the seat of the auditorium chair and my head was resting on the seat
back. This, however, can all be “explained”
by my slouching before the movie began, then as the movie started I did not
want to sit up and disrupt anyone’s view behind me and I also did not want to
make a ton of noise in so doing. I could
also explain it by pointing out that I am indeed crazy and there really is no good
explanation for some of my strange behavior.
However, there is something that I have done at the movies;
probably not what you are thinking. Of
course I do not believe anyone can say they have never cried at a movie. Although, I could likely say my emotions are
on par with the average female, therefore I actually do cry at movies quite
regularly. I do not hate on crying,
trust me; sometimes it can be refreshing.
However, I have also done a bit of crying over my writing deficiencies
and that is just bothersome. It seems
like a stupid reason to cry in my opinion.
Sometimes I wonder when these issues started. I like to blame myself for quickly declining
my high school teacher when he wanted me to go to a summer writing camp. He wanted me to go, as far as I know, because
he saw some flashes of brilliance in my work (I turned in a good poem and he
mentioned this camp to me, personally, just afterwards). The problem with the camp was that it was
$1000 and I knew my family could not afford that. This is only a stretch of my imagination
however, as my troubles started before this and though the poem may have been
good I recall taking forever to hammer it out and it was only eight lines. Long before that, in sixth or seventh grade I
had to write a portfolio and I was placed in “ALC” indefinitely when mine was
not completed and it was believed or expected that it should have been. I was required to work on my portfolio
entries every day, all day; foregoing normal class sessions, until I was able
to complete the (expletive) thing.
I still wish, sometimes, to convince myself that my
experiences are normal and everyone else understands what I go through; however,
deep down I do not think I truly believe that.
That is why I come back to the same idea for the thousandth time not
satisfied that I ever fully shared the feeling within me, embarrassed and
frustrated that I even feel that way. If
I could lie to myself I would call it laziness or a lack of passion, but at the
same time I oft ponder could this whole problem be imagined?
At this point as a reader, one cannot know that I got tired
and went to bed the day I started writing this.
Now it is two days later and I am just now getting in bed when I should
have been asleep at least two hours ago.
It is not like I forgot about it, at best I pushed it to the back of my
mind; but it took every opportunity available to remind me it was here. A persistent nagging that I needed to do
this, finish what I started. It is all
very overwhelming; giving life to something that has no end and offers no
closure. I will never be content though and that may be what is most discouraging. Still I am as lost as ever and that thing is still there hanging over me.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Failed Kettlecorn trials
First of all, this is a giant bummer.
So I have been wanting to try making kettlecorn since veteran's day. Mostly because we paid $15 for a bag of it and spent about 30 minutes watching some guy make it. This is when I found out that it can be made using maple syrup; I thought that sounded easy. Also since my brother owns a party rental business he happens to have a big bucket of popcorn that needs popping. If you get the urge to try this out without using any recipe, perhaps being anyone that might be over-confident in popcorn making ability, let me just forewarn you: the 'lite' kind we have in the house does not work and so I have just wasted kernels, oil, and syrup twice. I just read a recipe and they say it should be 100% maple syrup. Not sure if that is true, but I do know it was not working for me. If I heated up the syrup separately though it may have worked. I am tired of trying at this point. Plus all I need is corn syrup and I have all the ingredients to make this caramel corn with this recipe I just found. That sounds like a much better idea.
Gotta go!
So I have been wanting to try making kettlecorn since veteran's day. Mostly because we paid $15 for a bag of it and spent about 30 minutes watching some guy make it. This is when I found out that it can be made using maple syrup; I thought that sounded easy. Also since my brother owns a party rental business he happens to have a big bucket of popcorn that needs popping. If you get the urge to try this out without using any recipe, perhaps being anyone that might be over-confident in popcorn making ability, let me just forewarn you: the 'lite' kind we have in the house does not work and so I have just wasted kernels, oil, and syrup twice. I just read a recipe and they say it should be 100% maple syrup. Not sure if that is true, but I do know it was not working for me. If I heated up the syrup separately though it may have worked. I am tired of trying at this point. Plus all I need is corn syrup and I have all the ingredients to make this caramel corn with this recipe I just found. That sounds like a much better idea.
Gotta go!
Monday, November 19, 2012
What is this!?!?
Despite the fun that could be had, I will try not to analyze myself but only present my thoughts for the benefit of others to understand. For instance, let us begin our wild adventure, I find that I feel the need to explain myself but I cannot explain why I feel this way. As I said, it could be fun to break it down and hypothesize the 'why,' however that is not what we are here for. To be honest, I don't have the professional qualifications to do that. At this point, you may already have identified the need for this purpose. I can accept that, now let us get on with it.
On and around September 11, 2011; I spent a few days with some good friends. I am constantly having a conversation in my head, sometimes with my self, one might consider these as personal narratives, but at times these conversations are upgraded in severity, one might suggest, to fictitious dialogue; this dialogue takes place sometimes with representations of real people and other times completely fictitious people. It seems strange to explain it in words, but I am sure others understand this and do it as well. Have you ever mentally represented another party in a conversation that you were preparing to have? That is basically all I am explaining; however, sometimes I have these mental conversations and do not open my mouth to bring them into existence. Other times as I find myself exploring my mental understanding and contemplating the world, I will create a representative of someone in a role, such as a professor, boss, or any number of conceptualized individuals. It was on September 11, that one such conversation took place and as a result that I created the idea for this very blog. As the window of opportunity began to close on the emergence of an actual conversation that mirrored the mental representation I had been having, I began to consider the frequency of this very occurrence. Certainly I have not claimed to be ordinary, despite not being altogether that different, but perhaps taking normal to the extreme. I certainly believe I have more of these conversations than most or at the very least more that I try to ignore.
On and around September 11, 2011; I spent a few days with some good friends. I am constantly having a conversation in my head, sometimes with my self, one might consider these as personal narratives, but at times these conversations are upgraded in severity, one might suggest, to fictitious dialogue; this dialogue takes place sometimes with representations of real people and other times completely fictitious people. It seems strange to explain it in words, but I am sure others understand this and do it as well. Have you ever mentally represented another party in a conversation that you were preparing to have? That is basically all I am explaining; however, sometimes I have these mental conversations and do not open my mouth to bring them into existence. Other times as I find myself exploring my mental understanding and contemplating the world, I will create a representative of someone in a role, such as a professor, boss, or any number of conceptualized individuals. It was on September 11, that one such conversation took place and as a result that I created the idea for this very blog. As the window of opportunity began to close on the emergence of an actual conversation that mirrored the mental representation I had been having, I began to consider the frequency of this very occurrence. Certainly I have not claimed to be ordinary, despite not being altogether that different, but perhaps taking normal to the extreme. I certainly believe I have more of these conversations than most or at the very least more that I try to ignore.
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